so far Olive is doing well after her surgery. She had a small tumor removed and we found out she does not have cancer... or "the big C" as my aunt carol said.
i've been stressing over her a lot. it's unbearable to think about what she is going though, and i am coming to grips with the fact that her time on the earth is limited. i just can't deal with it.
last friday my mom called me out of the blue, and she said she was calling to see how Olive was doing. I was so touched for a small moment. and then she came out and said the real reason she called was to tell me her and my dad just went and bought a new puppy. how could i be so stupid? my mom could give such 2 shits about my life it amazes me.
So i went over her house and saw the puppy. very cute and very playful. it bit my dad on the face and he was bleeding and it bummed me out. i stayed for an hour and left.
This week i was approved to work from home. I move my shit outta here on friday, and will be up and running by Monday out of my dinning room. Goodbye Vineland, Goodbye 40 minute commute!!!!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
sweet moola
After checking the receipts from Olive's visit to the Emergency Animal Hospital, I realized they only charged us for one enema, not two.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
"Baby i wanna be where you are"
yesterday my beautiful goldfish at work died.
this morning i ran over a chipmunk.
i killed it. or at least severely maimed it until someone else killed it.
then tonight....
i just can't believe MJ is gone.
this morning i ran over a chipmunk.
i killed it. or at least severely maimed it until someone else killed it.
then tonight....
i just can't believe MJ is gone.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
weekend pictures
Deck and pool on Memorial Day
All cleaned up after the party
Miniature quilt I made on Monday.
Monday, May 25, 2009
family shit
i have an aunt and an uncle and 3 cousins that are not talking to my family anymore.
3 years ago my father and his brother fought over how my grandparents should be placed in a home, and how their estate of about 1.2 million should be handled.
My uncle accused my parents of stealing money and his whole family has not spoken to mine ever since. My grand parents sided with my uncle. They even sent letters from lawyers. So in one fell swoop- i lost contact with all of them.
i pleaded with my uncle for 3 hours one night- begging to try and work this huge misunderstanding out, just because i love him and his family so much. he ignored everything i said.
i understand that money can tear families apart, but why do they all not have to talk to me? i feel like i just lost so much with no say. i tried to reach out to my cousins on Facebook and they ignored me.
I think it's bad that i lost my aunt, uncle and cousins, but my father lost contact with his mother, father and only brother. The pain i feel is so bad- i just can't imagine how he feels.
3 years ago my father and his brother fought over how my grandparents should be placed in a home, and how their estate of about 1.2 million should be handled.
My uncle accused my parents of stealing money and his whole family has not spoken to mine ever since. My grand parents sided with my uncle. They even sent letters from lawyers. So in one fell swoop- i lost contact with all of them.
i pleaded with my uncle for 3 hours one night- begging to try and work this huge misunderstanding out, just because i love him and his family so much. he ignored everything i said.
i understand that money can tear families apart, but why do they all not have to talk to me? i feel like i just lost so much with no say. i tried to reach out to my cousins on Facebook and they ignored me.
I think it's bad that i lost my aunt, uncle and cousins, but my father lost contact with his mother, father and only brother. The pain i feel is so bad- i just can't imagine how he feels.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
My latest investment:
i have all i need now to watercolor. well i'm short a few paints, (about $50 worth) but at least i can start to draw now! yay.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
220 yards
I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
.
.
.
funny thing:
So they are instating 2 weeks of furlough here at work... (well that's not so funny) and i was telling my friends about it last night and kept calling it a furlong.
.
.
.
funny thing:
So they are instating 2 weeks of furlough here at work... (well that's not so funny) and i was telling my friends about it last night and kept calling it a furlong.
Monday, April 6, 2009
my new favorite quote
"A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death."
--Albert Einstein
--Albert Einstein
overuse, misuse, abuse or disuse
Treating Fibromyalgia: The Muscle Pain Epidemic
February 9, 2004
By Leon Chaitow N.D., D.O., M.R.O.
Editor’s note: The following is an excerpt.
What’s Going on in the Fibromyalgia Syndrome (FMS) Patient’s Muscles?
(1, 2, 3) A host of stress related adaptations and changes are likely to have taken place in the muscles of someone with fibromyalgia resulting from overuse, misuse, abuse or disuse (postural, occupational, leisure activity, repetitive use, trauma etc) plus a number of additional factors. 1. A biochemical imbalance which may be the direct result of disturbed sleep leads to inadequate growth hormone production and poor repair of minor muscle damage. 2. Low levels of a serotonin in the blood and tissues lead to lowered pain thresholds because of the reduced effectiveness of the body’s natural endorphin painkillers, and the increased presence of ‘substance P’ which increases pain perception. 3. The sympathetic nervous system, which controls muscle tone can become disturbed leading to muscle ischemia (oxygen lack) resulting in greater ‘substance P’ release and increased sensitivity. 4. Duna proposes that these two elements are combined in fibromyalgia. Disordered sleep leading to reduced serotonin leading to reduced natural pain killing effects of endorphins, combined with a disturbed sympathetic nervous system which has resulted in muscle ischemia and increased pain sensitivity. Both disturbances involve reduced pain thresholds and activation of latent trigger points, with muscle pain as the end result. 5. ‘Micro-trauma’ (tiny amounts of damage) of muscles occurs in FMS patients (genetic predisposition is a possible cause) leading to calcium leakage which increases muscle contraction, further reducing oxygen supply. This seems to be associated with a reduction in the muscle’s ability to produce energy , causing it to fatigue and to be unable to pump the excess calcium out of the cells. A similar mechanism is said by Travell and Simons to be involved in myofascial trigger point activity. (1) 6. James Daley, M.D., has tested just what happens in the muscles of people with CFS(ME) when they exercise. Tests involving people with FMS (by Robert Bennett, M.D.) gave similar results showing that muscles produced a great amount of lactic acid, adding to the discomfort. Some of the patients showed low carbon dioxide levels when resting, which is an indication of a hyperventilation tendency. There is some evidence that progressive cardiovascular training (graduated training through exercise) improves muscle function and reduces pain in FMS but this is not thought desirable (and is often quite impossible anyway because of the degree of fatigue) in CFS(ME). (2,3) The special features of fibromyalgia seem to involve a combination of circulatory and nerve imbalances which make the muscle changes even more pronounced and the symptoms more unpleasant. Treatment (4, 5, 6) Manual therapy, nutrition, stress reduction, breathing and postural reeducation, exercise (in some cases), acupuncture, non-specific immune system modulation such as hydrotherapy, medication (herbal, homeopathic and standard), among other things, have all been useful in encouraging recovery. Don Goldenberg, M.D., has shown that the following methods all produce benefits in treatment of FMS.: (7) Cardiovascular Fitness Training (8)EMG-Biofeedback (9)Hypnotherapy (10)Regional Sympathetic Blockade (11)Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (12) Where a condition has multiple interacting causes it makes clinical sense to try to reduce the burden of whatever factors are imposing themselves on the defense, immune and repair mechanisms of the body, while at the same time doing all that is possible to enhance those mechanisms. In my own practice the following are the methods suggested and used in treatment of FMS not necessarily in the order listed: 1. It is vital to get the diagnosis right. Many other rheumatic- type problems can produce widespread muscular pain such as polymyalgia rheumatica. Laboratory and other medical tests can identify most conditions which are not FMS. 2. Where muscle pain exists it is necessary to discover how much of the problem might be related to myofascial trigger point activity since the pain from trigger points is relatively easy to eliminate using methods chosen from injections, acupuncture, bodywork and postural and/or breathing reeducation. 3. It is important to assess and treat any associated conditions such as allergy, anxiety, hyperventilation, yeast or viral activity, bowel dysfunction, underactive thyroid, sleep disturbance. 4. It is useful to introduce constitutional health enhancement methods such as breathing retraining, deep relaxation methods (e.g. autogenic training ) regular (weekly or fortnightly) detoxification (fasting) days (which boost growth hormone production), hydrotherapy (neutral bath for anxiety and possibly progressive cold bathing), regular non-specific massage and acupuncture for ‘energy balancing’ and pain control. 5. Provision of suitable nutritional advice is important as well as use of supplements if necessary, such as specific amino acid supplementation for stimulating growth hormone production. 6. Specific herbal help for circulation to the brain [e.g. Ginkgo biloba] and the taking of homeopathic remedies such as Rhus tox 6C may be useful. 7. Appropriate osteopathic soft tissue treatment of the muscular condition, as well as regular (daily if possible) gentle self-treatment methods are usually helpful. 8. Regular exercise within tolerance, if possible including cardiovascular training and stretching movements (yoga and/or T’ai chi). 9. Medication under medical advice only, to enhance sleep patterns may be worth considering, antidepressant drugs in very low dosage commonly give some benefit. 10. Patients should be encouraged to join support groups, and to read about their condition and health enhancement, and to take control of their condition, even if progress is apparently slow. Stress or general counseling may help patients learn coping skills and stress reduction tactics. References: 1. David Simons, Fibrositis/fibromyalgia a form of myofascial trigger points? American Journal of Medicine 81(suppl 3A)pp93-98.2. Report in Fibromyalgia Network May 1993, Compendium on First National Seminar for Patients, Columbus, Ohio. April 1990 (Robert Bennett MD presentation on muscle microtrauma - pages 23-25).3. Report in Fibromyalgia Network (Compendium 2 pp48-49) on 2nd Los Angeles CFIDS Conference may 18/19 1991.4. Frederick Wolfe, David Simons et al., Fibromyalgia and myofascial pain syndromes, Journal of Rheumatology 1992;19:6pp944-951.5. Vladimir Janda Muscles and Cervicogenic pain and syndromes, from Physical Therapy of the cervical and thoracic spine, Ed. R.Grant, Churchill Livingstone, London 1988 pp153-166.6. Gwendolen Jull and Vladimir Janda Muscles and Motor Control in Low Back Pain Physical Therapy of the low back, from Physical Therapy of the low back, Ed. Lance Twomey Churchill Livingstone London 1987 pp253-278.7. Goldenberg D., Fibromyalgia: Treatment programs, J of Musculoskeletal Pain Vol.1 3/4 1993 pp71-81.8. McCain G et al., Controlled study of supervised cardiovascular fitness training program Arthritis Rheum 31:1135-1141 1988.9. Ferraccioli G et al EMG-Biofeedback in fibromyalgia syndrome, J. Rheumatology 16;1013-1014 1989.10. Haanen H et al., Controlled trial of hypnotherapy in treatment of refractory fibromyalgia, J Rheum 18:72-75 1991.11. Bengtsson A et al Regional sympathetic blockade in primary fibromyalgia Pain 33; 161-167 1988.12. Goldenberg D., et al., Impact of Cognitive-behavioural therapy on fibromyalgia, Arthritis Rheum 34(suppl9):S 190, 1991. © Leon Chaitow N.D., D.O., M.R.O. Source: Health World online at www.healthy.net.
February 9, 2004
By Leon Chaitow N.D., D.O., M.R.O.
Editor’s note: The following is an excerpt.
What’s Going on in the Fibromyalgia Syndrome (FMS) Patient’s Muscles?
(1, 2, 3) A host of stress related adaptations and changes are likely to have taken place in the muscles of someone with fibromyalgia resulting from overuse, misuse, abuse or disuse (postural, occupational, leisure activity, repetitive use, trauma etc) plus a number of additional factors. 1. A biochemical imbalance which may be the direct result of disturbed sleep leads to inadequate growth hormone production and poor repair of minor muscle damage. 2. Low levels of a serotonin in the blood and tissues lead to lowered pain thresholds because of the reduced effectiveness of the body’s natural endorphin painkillers, and the increased presence of ‘substance P’ which increases pain perception. 3. The sympathetic nervous system, which controls muscle tone can become disturbed leading to muscle ischemia (oxygen lack) resulting in greater ‘substance P’ release and increased sensitivity. 4. Duna proposes that these two elements are combined in fibromyalgia. Disordered sleep leading to reduced serotonin leading to reduced natural pain killing effects of endorphins, combined with a disturbed sympathetic nervous system which has resulted in muscle ischemia and increased pain sensitivity. Both disturbances involve reduced pain thresholds and activation of latent trigger points, with muscle pain as the end result. 5. ‘Micro-trauma’ (tiny amounts of damage) of muscles occurs in FMS patients (genetic predisposition is a possible cause) leading to calcium leakage which increases muscle contraction, further reducing oxygen supply. This seems to be associated with a reduction in the muscle’s ability to produce energy , causing it to fatigue and to be unable to pump the excess calcium out of the cells. A similar mechanism is said by Travell and Simons to be involved in myofascial trigger point activity. (1) 6. James Daley, M.D., has tested just what happens in the muscles of people with CFS(ME) when they exercise. Tests involving people with FMS (by Robert Bennett, M.D.) gave similar results showing that muscles produced a great amount of lactic acid, adding to the discomfort. Some of the patients showed low carbon dioxide levels when resting, which is an indication of a hyperventilation tendency. There is some evidence that progressive cardiovascular training (graduated training through exercise) improves muscle function and reduces pain in FMS but this is not thought desirable (and is often quite impossible anyway because of the degree of fatigue) in CFS(ME). (2,3) The special features of fibromyalgia seem to involve a combination of circulatory and nerve imbalances which make the muscle changes even more pronounced and the symptoms more unpleasant. Treatment (4, 5, 6) Manual therapy, nutrition, stress reduction, breathing and postural reeducation, exercise (in some cases), acupuncture, non-specific immune system modulation such as hydrotherapy, medication (herbal, homeopathic and standard), among other things, have all been useful in encouraging recovery. Don Goldenberg, M.D., has shown that the following methods all produce benefits in treatment of FMS.: (7) Cardiovascular Fitness Training (8)EMG-Biofeedback (9)Hypnotherapy (10)Regional Sympathetic Blockade (11)Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (12) Where a condition has multiple interacting causes it makes clinical sense to try to reduce the burden of whatever factors are imposing themselves on the defense, immune and repair mechanisms of the body, while at the same time doing all that is possible to enhance those mechanisms. In my own practice the following are the methods suggested and used in treatment of FMS not necessarily in the order listed: 1. It is vital to get the diagnosis right. Many other rheumatic- type problems can produce widespread muscular pain such as polymyalgia rheumatica. Laboratory and other medical tests can identify most conditions which are not FMS. 2. Where muscle pain exists it is necessary to discover how much of the problem might be related to myofascial trigger point activity since the pain from trigger points is relatively easy to eliminate using methods chosen from injections, acupuncture, bodywork and postural and/or breathing reeducation. 3. It is important to assess and treat any associated conditions such as allergy, anxiety, hyperventilation, yeast or viral activity, bowel dysfunction, underactive thyroid, sleep disturbance. 4. It is useful to introduce constitutional health enhancement methods such as breathing retraining, deep relaxation methods (e.g. autogenic training ) regular (weekly or fortnightly) detoxification (fasting) days (which boost growth hormone production), hydrotherapy (neutral bath for anxiety and possibly progressive cold bathing), regular non-specific massage and acupuncture for ‘energy balancing’ and pain control. 5. Provision of suitable nutritional advice is important as well as use of supplements if necessary, such as specific amino acid supplementation for stimulating growth hormone production. 6. Specific herbal help for circulation to the brain [e.g. Ginkgo biloba] and the taking of homeopathic remedies such as Rhus tox 6C may be useful. 7. Appropriate osteopathic soft tissue treatment of the muscular condition, as well as regular (daily if possible) gentle self-treatment methods are usually helpful. 8. Regular exercise within tolerance, if possible including cardiovascular training and stretching movements (yoga and/or T’ai chi). 9. Medication under medical advice only, to enhance sleep patterns may be worth considering, antidepressant drugs in very low dosage commonly give some benefit. 10. Patients should be encouraged to join support groups, and to read about their condition and health enhancement, and to take control of their condition, even if progress is apparently slow. Stress or general counseling may help patients learn coping skills and stress reduction tactics. References: 1. David Simons, Fibrositis/fibromyalgia a form of myofascial trigger points? American Journal of Medicine 81(suppl 3A)pp93-98.2. Report in Fibromyalgia Network May 1993, Compendium on First National Seminar for Patients, Columbus, Ohio. April 1990 (Robert Bennett MD presentation on muscle microtrauma - pages 23-25).3. Report in Fibromyalgia Network (Compendium 2 pp48-49) on 2nd Los Angeles CFIDS Conference may 18/19 1991.4. Frederick Wolfe, David Simons et al., Fibromyalgia and myofascial pain syndromes, Journal of Rheumatology 1992;19:6pp944-951.5. Vladimir Janda Muscles and Cervicogenic pain and syndromes, from Physical Therapy of the cervical and thoracic spine, Ed. R.Grant, Churchill Livingstone, London 1988 pp153-166.6. Gwendolen Jull and Vladimir Janda Muscles and Motor Control in Low Back Pain Physical Therapy of the low back, from Physical Therapy of the low back, Ed. Lance Twomey Churchill Livingstone London 1987 pp253-278.7. Goldenberg D., Fibromyalgia: Treatment programs, J of Musculoskeletal Pain Vol.1 3/4 1993 pp71-81.8. McCain G et al., Controlled study of supervised cardiovascular fitness training program Arthritis Rheum 31:1135-1141 1988.9. Ferraccioli G et al EMG-Biofeedback in fibromyalgia syndrome, J. Rheumatology 16;1013-1014 1989.10. Haanen H et al., Controlled trial of hypnotherapy in treatment of refractory fibromyalgia, J Rheum 18:72-75 1991.11. Bengtsson A et al Regional sympathetic blockade in primary fibromyalgia Pain 33; 161-167 1988.12. Goldenberg D., et al., Impact of Cognitive-behavioural therapy on fibromyalgia, Arthritis Rheum 34(suppl9):S 190, 1991. © Leon Chaitow N.D., D.O., M.R.O. Source: Health World online at www.healthy.net.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Love is
Love is only a light in the sky
A shadow of a star flying by
We're so small compared to our hearts
We're so small compared to a lullaby
I didn't mean to make you cry
I'm sorry I made you cry
Did you throw away all the lives you had
All the songs, all the songs - all the lovers in your bed
We're so small compared to our hearts
We're so small compared to a lullaby
I didn't mean to make you cry
I'm sorry I made you cry
Babe, did I take more than you could give?
Did you let your soul drain through your eyes?
I'm sorry I made you cry
I'm sorry I made you cry
A shadow of a star flying by
We're so small compared to our hearts
We're so small compared to a lullaby
I didn't mean to make you cry
I'm sorry I made you cry
Did you throw away all the lives you had
All the songs, all the songs - all the lovers in your bed
We're so small compared to our hearts
We're so small compared to a lullaby
I didn't mean to make you cry
I'm sorry I made you cry
Babe, did I take more than you could give?
Did you let your soul drain through your eyes?
I'm sorry I made you cry
I'm sorry I made you cry
Sunday, March 29, 2009
religous rant
i was just reading up on the pope's latest statement to Africa that he does not support the use of condoms at ALL to prevent the spread of aids.
this makes me cry. i cry and cry over all the senselessness of the world and the irony that so many damn ppl look up to this guy for their faith and direction on how to live their lives.
Dear Pope,
Here are some facts about aids/hiv:
Global
this makes me cry. i cry and cry over all the senselessness of the world and the irony that so many damn ppl look up to this guy for their faith and direction on how to live their lives.
Dear Pope,
Here are some facts about aids/hiv:
Global
- 33.2 million people now live with HIV or AIDS.
- In 2007, approximately 2.5 million people were infected with HIV.
- Every day, over 6800 people become infected with HIV - almost five people per minute.
- 5700 people die from AIDS every day.
- One child dies every minute.
- 15 million children around the world have been orphaned by AIDS, losing one or both parents to the disease.
- Every fifteen seconds, another person age 15-24 becomes infected with HIV/AIDS.
- Roughly one million people living with HIV/AIDS in the United States.
- Since the start of the AIDS epidemic, 1.5 million Americans have been infected with HIV and more than 524,000 have died of AIDS.
- At least 40,000 people are infected each year.
- African Americans account for 48% of new HIV infections.
- AIDS is the leading cause of death for African American women aged 25 to 34 and HIV rates among Hispanic women are increasing.
- The number of women living with HIV has tripled in the last two decades.
- At least half of all new infections are among people under the age of 25.
- Washington, DC has the highest HIV/AIDS prevalence rates in the United States - one in 20 people are living with HIV or AIDS.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
World Water Day 2009
Celebrate the Work You Do
March 22, 2009 marks the United Nations’ World Water Day around the globe.
3.575 million people die each year from water-related disease
84% of water-related deaths are in children ages 0-14
98% of water-related deaths occur in the developing world
March 22, 2009 marks the United Nations’ World Water Day around the globe.
3.575 million people die each year from water-related disease
84% of water-related deaths are in children ages 0-14
98% of water-related deaths occur in the developing world
Monday, March 9, 2009
new buddies
Ellanore died a very sad death this weekend, so today i got some new feesh for my desk.
So far they seem pretty darn happy to be here. They were the only 2 left in the tank at pertsmart- so i took both. didn't want to separate them of course.. now I just need to settle on some names!
As you can see they are not camera shy!
As you can see they are not camera shy!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
It's my word of the day!
inane
–adjective
1.
lacking sense, significance, or ideas; silly: inane questions.
2.
empty; void.
–noun
3.
something that is empty or void, esp. the void of infinite space.
inanely, adverb
Synonyms:1. pointless. See foolish.
Synonyms
asinine
daft
dumb
empty
fatuous
feckless
foolish
frivolous
idiotic
illogical
imbecile
insubstantial
–adjective
1.
lacking sense, significance, or ideas; silly: inane questions.
2.
empty; void.
–noun
3.
something that is empty or void, esp. the void of infinite space.
inanely, adverb
Synonyms:1. pointless. See foolish.
Synonyms
asinine
daft
dumb
empty
fatuous
feckless
foolish
frivolous
idiotic
illogical
imbecile
insubstantial
Monday, March 2, 2009
furry monday
Today i was offered a Guinea pig and a possible Sugar Glider..
Party!
It's mah lucky day!
Party!
It's mah lucky day!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
a sunday
i had quite the shit week- so this weekend my main goal was to catch up on my sleep. i'll never feel any better if i get behind at this point..
i feel pretty decent that i got a bunch of that done.
Then I laid in bed around 2-3 o'clock waiting for james to get home from the supermarket- and got very pissed at myself for not doing a god-damned thing allll weekend.
So i did some small stuff to make myself feel better.
i did want to add the fun things i did this weekend..
i feel pretty decent that i got a bunch of that done.
Then I laid in bed around 2-3 o'clock waiting for james to get home from the supermarket- and got very pissed at myself for not doing a god-damned thing allll weekend.
So i did some small stuff to make myself feel better.
- cleaned the bird cage. took me about an hour and a half- if not longer. i am the worst bird-mom ever.
- brushed a cat
- gave the bird a bath and a blow dry
- replaced some light switch covers i've been meaning to get to for about 4 months now..
- does cleaning the kitchen a little bit count?
- moved the cat tree from one room to another
i did want to add the fun things i did this weekend..
- took about 10 baths
- went to dinner and wrestling with james (wrestling was weird, but i have been promising him i would go, so when his friends couldn't make it- i offered to go. he was super appreciative- and we left early so we could have a nice dinner)
- watched a few more episodes of "curb your enthusiasm" (which were awesome!)
- caught up on my "24"
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
conversation with the crazy Russian
"Monica, do you have CS3?"
yes
"well you need to to open these photos for Matt- he only has CS2"
why- did you shoot in the Raw?
"Yes"
why can't you just shoot Jpegs?
"I NEVER shoot in Jpeg!- I haven't shot in Jpeg for 5 years!!"
well you have to since no one can open them up here.
yes... shooting in the raw, so some young engineer can do some 5th grade photoshop work that will be ultimately be used in a PowerPoint presentation. way to go.
god damn it.
yes
"well you need to to open these photos for Matt- he only has CS2"
why- did you shoot in the Raw?
"Yes"
why can't you just shoot Jpegs?
"I NEVER shoot in Jpeg!- I haven't shot in Jpeg for 5 years!!"
well you have to since no one can open them up here.
yes... shooting in the raw, so some young engineer can do some 5th grade photoshop work that will be ultimately be used in a PowerPoint presentation. way to go.
god damn it.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Sub-culture
What do I get out of this?
I always try, I always miss
One of these days you'll go back to your home
You wont even notice that you are alone
One of these days when you sit by yourself
You'll realize you can't shaft without someone else
In the end you will submit
Its got to hurt a little bit
I always try, I always miss
One of these days you'll go back to your home
You wont even notice that you are alone
One of these days when you sit by yourself
You'll realize you can't shaft without someone else
In the end you will submit
Its got to hurt a little bit
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
super blood!
I haven't been feeling well, and have been noticing a lot of joint pain. I went to my family doc, and before he could refer me to a rhumatologist- he had to do a full blood work on me. whhahh...
I wasn't expecting anything to come back abnormal.. except for my cholesterol.. I was actually terrified of the results. I have not had it tested in over 10 years. The 1st time i had it tested it came in at 112, which is insanely good. But my diet is abundant in eggs, shrimps, butter, cream, and cheese! Cheese! Glorious cheese......
I got my results today and I am in prefect health! And my cholesterol is a whopping 136!!!!!! i just can't get over it!!!!!! they must have swapped the blood viles out w/ someone much fitter than my fat self.... now if i can just lose some weight.. i'll be so happy with my bad self!
I wasn't expecting anything to come back abnormal.. except for my cholesterol.. I was actually terrified of the results. I have not had it tested in over 10 years. The 1st time i had it tested it came in at 112, which is insanely good. But my diet is abundant in eggs, shrimps, butter, cream, and cheese! Cheese! Glorious cheese......
I got my results today and I am in prefect health! And my cholesterol is a whopping 136!!!!!! i just can't get over it!!!!!! they must have swapped the blood viles out w/ someone much fitter than my fat self.... now if i can just lose some weight.. i'll be so happy with my bad self!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
The Fish that Ate Aunt Trish
dream 1) - after watching slumdog millionaire...
I am watching an indian mother hold a young baby up. the baby just has a diaper on and is glistening wet. she rolls the baby in a very coarse sea salt- and hands the baby to a sibling and says "here- eat this"- and hands the child a knife and fork. I look over at all the other children, and they have deep dark scars on their faces and bodies, where parts of their flesh has been carved away for food. they all looked very sad.
dream 2)
i was walking along a street and saw into a neighbors back yard and they had THE MOST BEAUTIFUL in ground pool. Unlike any pool i have ever seen! it wrapped around 3 sides of the house- had custom tiles, and marble, and rock formations, and even little fake beaches that led into the pool. It was like heaven. The water was more of a greenish aqua, not like the clear blue most pools are- so it was more natural looking. I wanted to swim in to sooooo badly, so i just went in and swam. It was so warm and just purely fantastic! As i creeped into the water i noticed it was deep in some parts- so i kinda stayed to the side. I was afraid there might be fish in the water. And sure enough- there come come HUGE HUGE fish. like man eating koi.
I am able to swim past it- but somehow my aunt was in the pool with me and the fish eats her up. I see a big lump in it's belly which is my aunt. I pry it's mouth open and pull her out. it was quite terrifying.
Last night's dream.
My brother and i were fighting really badly.we were fighting in thew back seat of my mom's car while she was driving us home. We got home and fought some more. Then my mom and I find out that Mike has decided to start selling drugs. we all fight over it and he leaves. My dad is on his way home from work- and i am desperate to tell him. He comes home and somehow my whole family is there - Aunts, uncles even some of my parents friends and my mom and i explain to them my brother's decision to start selling drugs in the neighbor hood.
Mike said that they were making the drugs themselves- some sort of lsd concoction.
Someone found a mixing container in his room- it was filled with some green gooey stuff. And then someone just happen to know a chemist- so we call her in. She examines the container for several hours and then starts listing the ingredients to the drug. lettuce, beets, ham, and salami.
She said you can get high if you mix these all together correctly. The kids in school called it "Hank" instead of "Crank" since it was made with ham.
I am watching an indian mother hold a young baby up. the baby just has a diaper on and is glistening wet. she rolls the baby in a very coarse sea salt- and hands the baby to a sibling and says "here- eat this"- and hands the child a knife and fork. I look over at all the other children, and they have deep dark scars on their faces and bodies, where parts of their flesh has been carved away for food. they all looked very sad.
dream 2)
i was walking along a street and saw into a neighbors back yard and they had THE MOST BEAUTIFUL in ground pool. Unlike any pool i have ever seen! it wrapped around 3 sides of the house- had custom tiles, and marble, and rock formations, and even little fake beaches that led into the pool. It was like heaven. The water was more of a greenish aqua, not like the clear blue most pools are- so it was more natural looking. I wanted to swim in to sooooo badly, so i just went in and swam. It was so warm and just purely fantastic! As i creeped into the water i noticed it was deep in some parts- so i kinda stayed to the side. I was afraid there might be fish in the water. And sure enough- there come come HUGE HUGE fish. like man eating koi.
I am able to swim past it- but somehow my aunt was in the pool with me and the fish eats her up. I see a big lump in it's belly which is my aunt. I pry it's mouth open and pull her out. it was quite terrifying.
Last night's dream.
My brother and i were fighting really badly.we were fighting in thew back seat of my mom's car while she was driving us home. We got home and fought some more. Then my mom and I find out that Mike has decided to start selling drugs. we all fight over it and he leaves. My dad is on his way home from work- and i am desperate to tell him. He comes home and somehow my whole family is there - Aunts, uncles even some of my parents friends and my mom and i explain to them my brother's decision to start selling drugs in the neighbor hood.
Mike said that they were making the drugs themselves- some sort of lsd concoction.
Someone found a mixing container in his room- it was filled with some green gooey stuff. And then someone just happen to know a chemist- so we call her in. She examines the container for several hours and then starts listing the ingredients to the drug. lettuce, beets, ham, and salami.
She said you can get high if you mix these all together correctly. The kids in school called it "Hank" instead of "Crank" since it was made with ham.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Emily
I am not much a 'poetry person'... but this epic song by Joanna Newsom has really blown me away.
"hydrocephalitic listlessness ants mop up-a their brow".... i mean come on! it's so fucking wonderful i can't stand it... i think this song has been on repeat for 2 weeks now!
It is so beautiful to read, let alone listen to her sing.
It's about her sister, who's an astrophysicist.
Here are some of my favorite verses:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Let us go!
Though we know it's a hopeless endeavor
The ties that bind, they are barbed and spined and hold us close forever
Though there is nothing would help me come to grips with a sky that is gaping and yawning
There is a song I woke with on my lips as you sailed your great ship towards the morning
Come on home, the poppies are all grown knee-deep by now
Blossoms all have fallen, and the pollen ruins the plow
Peonies nod in the breeze and while they wetly bow
With hydrocephalitic listlessness ants mop up-a their brow
And everything with wings is restless, aimless, drunk and dour
The butterflies and birds collide at hot, ungodly hours
And my clay-colored motherlessness rangily reclines
Come on home, now! All my bones are dolorous with vines
Pa pointed out to me, for the hundredth time tonight
The way the ladle leads to a dirt-red bullet of light
Squint skyward and listen
Loving him, we move within his borders
Just asterisms in the stars' set order
We could stand for a century
Staring
With our heads cocked
In the broad daylight at this thing
Joy
Landlocked
In bodies that don't keep
Dumbstruck with the sweetness of being
Until we don't be told
Take this
Eat this
Told
The meteorite is the source of the light
And the meteor's just what we see
And the meteoroid is a stone that's devoid of the fire that propelled it to thee
And the meteorite's just what causes the light
And the meteor's how it's perceived
And the meteoroid's a bone thrown from the void that lies quiet in offering to thee
"hydrocephalitic listlessness ants mop up-a their brow".... i mean come on! it's so fucking wonderful i can't stand it... i think this song has been on repeat for 2 weeks now!
It is so beautiful to read, let alone listen to her sing.
It's about her sister, who's an astrophysicist.
Here are some of my favorite verses:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Let us go!
Though we know it's a hopeless endeavor
The ties that bind, they are barbed and spined and hold us close forever
Though there is nothing would help me come to grips with a sky that is gaping and yawning
There is a song I woke with on my lips as you sailed your great ship towards the morning
Come on home, the poppies are all grown knee-deep by now
Blossoms all have fallen, and the pollen ruins the plow
Peonies nod in the breeze and while they wetly bow
With hydrocephalitic listlessness ants mop up-a their brow
And everything with wings is restless, aimless, drunk and dour
The butterflies and birds collide at hot, ungodly hours
And my clay-colored motherlessness rangily reclines
Come on home, now! All my bones are dolorous with vines
Pa pointed out to me, for the hundredth time tonight
The way the ladle leads to a dirt-red bullet of light
Squint skyward and listen
Loving him, we move within his borders
Just asterisms in the stars' set order
We could stand for a century
Staring
With our heads cocked
In the broad daylight at this thing
Joy
Landlocked
In bodies that don't keep
Dumbstruck with the sweetness of being
Until we don't be told
Take this
Eat this
Told
The meteorite is the source of the light
And the meteor's just what we see
And the meteoroid is a stone that's devoid of the fire that propelled it to thee
And the meteorite's just what causes the light
And the meteor's how it's perceived
And the meteoroid's a bone thrown from the void that lies quiet in offering to thee
Just the GAS lady! Hold the racisim please.
I pull up to get gas today at the Wawa on Delsea Dr.
After I ask for my gas, the lady gas attendant says to me "You know he's not the first black president." (referring to my Obama bumper sticker i'm guessing)
I look at her in disbelief and just say nothing, so she continues, "You know he is not the first black president, He's not black. He's half white. So he's not the first black president" I didn't know what to say, cuz i kinda just really wanted to leave , So she continues, "Abraham Lincoln was the first black president. He was black." So i said "If he was black, he would have been a slave not a president" "Oh no, he hid it. He was tall and had light skin" she replied.
Next came- "And Benjamin Franklin..... (i was waiting for her to say he was black and a president too... but damn it! she didn't!) he screwed around with the servants... so he has a lot of black relatives running around.."
Then she just kept repeating herself so I finally got the hell outta there.
After I ask for my gas, the lady gas attendant says to me "You know he's not the first black president." (referring to my Obama bumper sticker i'm guessing)
I look at her in disbelief and just say nothing, so she continues, "You know he is not the first black president, He's not black. He's half white. So he's not the first black president" I didn't know what to say, cuz i kinda just really wanted to leave , So she continues, "Abraham Lincoln was the first black president. He was black." So i said "If he was black, he would have been a slave not a president" "Oh no, he hid it. He was tall and had light skin" she replied.
Next came- "And Benjamin Franklin..... (i was waiting for her to say he was black and a president too... but damn it! she didn't!) he screwed around with the servants... so he has a lot of black relatives running around.."
Then she just kept repeating herself so I finally got the hell outta there.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
crazy day
Today i bought a NEW scarf! Cuz it be all COLD up in here. and then after lunch i finally found out that i got my RAISE!! i was supposed to find out in November- so i have been waiiitinngggg so looong... AND..... it was just a tad higher than i had expected@@@!!!! WHOOO HOOO!!!!!!! Go me!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND today I got NEW freakin' TIRES put on my car!! Whooo HOOO!
But now i want to call the Vet about my ailing rats, but it's just WAY too QUIET in here, and i don't want everyone to hear that not only do i keep rats as pets, but that i spend way too much money on them when they get the sniffles. ....sad.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
it's over
the week i waited so long for is now officially over. matt and kellee are driving back home to Indiana tomorrow morning. it was such a GREAT great great week. i know they are just as sad to leave as we are to see them go. i know they would like to move back to NJ- but the chances are just too slim. when we said goodbye she assured me that they will be back soon... but it just breaks my heart not to have a friend like her live near by.
we all finally got to exchange xmass gifts with our friends last night. it was so fun. kellee got me the coolest gift box from Lush. awesome stuff.
new years was fun too. i am looking forward to 2009. as i am sure most of us are. i am looking forward to learning Flash soon for my job. looking forward to working on my new house, and can't WAIT for summer to come so we can open the POOL. i am looking forward to more Obama on the TV.
i am also looking forward to getting a kick ass elliptical machine for the basement so i can lose some damn weight. I told my husband- "if you buy me a new elliptical machine, i will promise you a skinny wife" he didn't buy it. So i have to save up for it myself. So i hope in another 3-4 months to have the cash to buy one. I refuse to get a cheap piece of shit- because i know i won't enjoy it, thus won't use it. i just wish i could get on one NOW so i could be thinner by May.
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